Andrea: Realizations

I came in this semester with 6 credit hours looming over my head from unfinished summer classes and something new and shiny on my left hand. I was feeling so ambitious about how fun it would be to live with 3 other blushing brides-to-be; doing homework together, planning our weddings, and having giggly girly pajama parties with chick flicks and chocolate. ... then I started 15 more credit hours when classes started ...and I started my job at Bluffton Presbyterian church... and I started getting emails about "Acting on Aids," "Spiritual Life Week Planning Committee," "PEACE Club," and "Social Work Club" (to name a few) ...and we started having "family" meals and meetings to discuss our responsibilities as part of Ubuntu... and somewhere in the middle of all that I had a terrifying realization: I CAN'T DO EVERTHING.

I was homesick for the summer I spent in Pittsburgh with Kyle, and on the brink of an identity crisis over the loss of my posse of girlfriends who graduated last May. After several late nights sobbing and snotting all over several of my housemates (thanks, guys :) ) I realized something new about myself: I HATE CHANGE.

I always thought I was adventurous; that I could handle anything- I just spent a month in Africa for crying out loud... why am I having an emotional breakdown over being in Bluffton?! I agreed to learn simplicity and community this year... and I think I'm learning those things already. Your schedule is not exempt from a simple lifestyle- it's okay to say "no" sometimes. Community is an everchanging thing- you don't get to hang on to all of your same friends all of the time. You CAN grow separately without growing apart (Teresa told me that.) I love the people I live with now, and even though I miss Erica, Kyle, Teresa and my other friends from before, I would be stealing from myself if I didn't allow myself to grow into the community that's inviting me in right now.

So there you have it. I can't do everything, I hate change, and I love this community.