I feel solo right now. I know the world around me is changing and my thoughts and how i view the world are changing as well. I just want everything to slow down, i want to take it all in, understand it all and savor the moment.
I had an extremely frustrating evening in Lima tonight. Does what I do matter? Duh, of course it does, but at the same time I feel stranded. I'm the only one driving over a hundred miles twice a week, dealing and talking to youth about the issues that face them and shouldering their burdens with them. (I ask for no sympathy). I see the disparaging situations they face and am saddened that the only reasons many of them come to the youth events are for food or to get away from an abusive family lifestyle. Does what I say matter to them at all? Does my helping them with their burdens make any significant difference in their lives? Or am I simply wasting time?
I almost envy the students that are here for social hour. And the piece of paper they'll receive in 4 years with minimal effort and parties every weekend. I would enjoy not having the added stresses of Lima, attempting to stay above a 3.6, and continue to keep up valuable friendships and be a respected member of our community, but I am struggling this week especially (midterms week, the week before spring break) with finding peace, sleep and time to simply be.
Then there's Zac. Zac is one of my kids from YL and is now a regular on campus Monday nights after club. I have no clue where the kid is spiritually, but I am truly blessed to be able to spend time with him and invest in his life. Zac's one of those kids who is easy to befriend and almost everyone loves to be around. He usually knows what to do to put a smile on your face and, as a sophmore in hs, already has a heart for the needy and broken around him. Its kids like him that are the reason I sacrifice myself and drain myself. In the end it will be totally worth it. I just hope that something I say in the 4 years I have to spend with Zac and other students will resonate and that a positive change deep inside them will occur.
Showing posts with label Shawn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Shawn. Show all posts
Monday, March 1, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Shawn: Community
When asked about community Ethan has given the following answers:
-I like the unity part because the rest is just Commi.
-My favorite part is the I in community.
On a more serious note though all of us have struggled to define what community means in our lives, esp within the context of this group. Part of living in community with others is knowing how to cause problems in just the right way so as to be called a prank. The themed housing group has understood this extremely well as is evidenced by the pictures of my half of the room after my "birthday". It was a thoughtful, well timed prank that at 12:30 at night one can only laugh at.
But another part of community (as evidenced Sunday night) was being able to share concerns, critiques and frustrations of the world we live in, share our views and how they differ from others while being respected in the larger group.
Until this year I had gone with the flow not truly questioning why I did what I did. I hope in a similar way next year I will be able to continue to challenge the status quo.
And to third Neuf...watch your back!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Shawn: Inadequacy
Its unreal to think of all the tragedy that has hit Haiti in this last week...as if they weren't beat down already and struggling through life with few willing to lend a hand. But amid all the problems that have befallen them i have looked for practical ways that involve for than giving monetarily. I want to get actively involved but have not the time nor the resources. And if i focus my time and effort on Haiti, what about the people i know in Lima and Peru and all the others around the globe that are also struggling to make ends meet. How does it seem fair that i focus on some but not others?
It would be impossible for me to allocate all my time to serving everyone who has some sort of need. So the simple answer is prayer. But is it really that simple? If we really with a sincere and passionate heart for our brothers and sisters in need, God will hear us and hopefully, as in the Old Testament with Moses, be pushed to action and spare those who cant help themselves.
So I guess my whole thought process this weekend (weekend retreat in Cinci) has been geared toward prayer. When you feel inadequate its because you are. But God isnt and if you trust him and show you trust him, he can move in powerful ways that even money and physical effort (however important) fall remarkably short.
It would be impossible for me to allocate all my time to serving everyone who has some sort of need. So the simple answer is prayer. But is it really that simple? If we really with a sincere and passionate heart for our brothers and sisters in need, God will hear us and hopefully, as in the Old Testament with Moses, be pushed to action and spare those who cant help themselves.
So I guess my whole thought process this weekend (weekend retreat in Cinci) has been geared toward prayer. When you feel inadequate its because you are. But God isnt and if you trust him and show you trust him, he can move in powerful ways that even money and physical effort (however important) fall remarkably short.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Shawn: Thanksgiving
Wow, thanksgiving is an evolving word in my vocabulary. The basic definition is simple-giving thanks or praise. But how it is defined in terms of when where and how are taking on new life of their own. For example, can sleeping be thanksgiving, something created by God for us to do. And so is good sleep praise, but is not-so-good sleep not be praise? And if we do something that doesnt bring praise to God, isnt that a sin? So shouldnt we find something more beneficial with our time?
I am in awe of Judah and the late nights he puts into his studies, specifically his exegetical. I enjoy sleep too much to much to work late into the night (i'd love to put a time on this like 3 or 5 or an all nighter, but truth is i'm always asleep when he is working and it seems like he is already up when i get up). His work ethic is increadible and i know that he finds joy in what his is studying and disecting.
Brains, what an amazing tool. I think this is what i am most thankful for. For all the uses it has and for how complex it is. From controlling our thoughts and thought process, studying, analyzing, memorizing. It controls our emotions, our senses and even our body movements. Where would we be without it.
But while i am grateful and thankful for something that makes me who i am, should i not be more thankful to Him (apologies to the people who dont like to see God in masculine forms...i still havent found a way around that) who created that individual part of me? I still struggle to atribute the events and circumstances around me that i can physically see and know, to a God who controls them, a God i cannot see, know, and the hardest of all, understand.
But while i struggle to comprehend His (again...sry 'its' just doesnt cut it here) ways, i can be confident that if i follow His ways, i will not be forsaken, abandoned or forgotten. He never fails, never comes up short, and is never wrong in action or judgement. And in this i can most certainly give praise.
Now i dont believe that sleep is wrong, even if it isnt the most restful sleep, but sometimes there are other important things to do. While i have heard that many people have said it will be a relaxing break and they are looking forward to catching up on sleep, this is not where i stand. I am looking forward to catching up with friends and family, and this will most certainly mean late nights and stories and events that last way into the night.
I am also grateful for Riley Crt. You guys are like family to me and I couldnt see myself anywhere else this semester. You have made me think in ways i never expected i would have to, but it has grown my understanding and confidence of not only who I am, but also the world around me. Take care on break and may God bless the people and things you are thankful for.
SY
I am in awe of Judah and the late nights he puts into his studies, specifically his exegetical. I enjoy sleep too much to much to work late into the night (i'd love to put a time on this like 3 or 5 or an all nighter, but truth is i'm always asleep when he is working and it seems like he is already up when i get up). His work ethic is increadible and i know that he finds joy in what his is studying and disecting.
Brains, what an amazing tool. I think this is what i am most thankful for. For all the uses it has and for how complex it is. From controlling our thoughts and thought process, studying, analyzing, memorizing. It controls our emotions, our senses and even our body movements. Where would we be without it.
But while i am grateful and thankful for something that makes me who i am, should i not be more thankful to Him (apologies to the people who dont like to see God in masculine forms...i still havent found a way around that) who created that individual part of me? I still struggle to atribute the events and circumstances around me that i can physically see and know, to a God who controls them, a God i cannot see, know, and the hardest of all, understand.
But while i struggle to comprehend His (again...sry 'its' just doesnt cut it here) ways, i can be confident that if i follow His ways, i will not be forsaken, abandoned or forgotten. He never fails, never comes up short, and is never wrong in action or judgement. And in this i can most certainly give praise.
Now i dont believe that sleep is wrong, even if it isnt the most restful sleep, but sometimes there are other important things to do. While i have heard that many people have said it will be a relaxing break and they are looking forward to catching up on sleep, this is not where i stand. I am looking forward to catching up with friends and family, and this will most certainly mean late nights and stories and events that last way into the night.
I am also grateful for Riley Crt. You guys are like family to me and I couldnt see myself anywhere else this semester. You have made me think in ways i never expected i would have to, but it has grown my understanding and confidence of not only who I am, but also the world around me. Take care on break and may God bless the people and things you are thankful for.
SY
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Shawn Yoder: Community and dumb random stuff.
The good times in Riley Crt
-group meals (every sunday)
-community study sessions (like the one monday night)
-back it up (which may or may not cease to exist)
-Ubu-Mormon (a plant with MANY parents)
-tea/coffee (we go through soooo much of this you'd think we were addicts, oh wait, we probably are)
-Monday Night RAW (who watches football anymore)
-midnight runs to Beaverdam and the Flying J
-Madden 09 (which i suck at)
-pictures at 8 AM for some bluffton book in our kitchen (ya that was this morning)
-male bonding between Eli and Devon, Eil and Jason, Eli and myself and Eli and every other guy i havent mentioned
-sharing cleaning duties (which aren't bad at all)
-you dont know me
-UBUNTU!! (a phrase that when uttered gives you rights to anything of anyone's...this includes food, and spouses too i believe)
-ROOMMATE!!! (and their dainties)
-Twizzlers Bob's runs, youtube videos and other distractions during community study sessions
-deep theological and faith discussions (none of which i can enter but def enjoy listening to)
but probably the most rewarding part about community so far is learning from the upper class men and having them around as role models. Just having someone to talk to or hang out with (all the guys, not just the uppers) on any given evening has been a blast as well. I enjoy coming back here every night to see what's going on, what people are doing and being given an opportunity to simply be.
SY
-group meals (every sunday)
-community study sessions (like the one monday night)
-back it up (which may or may not cease to exist)
-Ubu-Mormon (a plant with MANY parents)
-tea/coffee (we go through soooo much of this you'd think we were addicts, oh wait, we probably are)
-Monday Night RAW (who watches football anymore)
-midnight runs to Beaverdam and the Flying J
-Madden 09 (which i suck at)
-pictures at 8 AM for some bluffton book in our kitchen (ya that was this morning)
-male bonding between Eli and Devon, Eil and Jason, Eli and myself and Eli and every other guy i havent mentioned
-sharing cleaning duties (which aren't bad at all)
-you dont know me
-UBUNTU!! (a phrase that when uttered gives you rights to anything of anyone's...this includes food, and spouses too i believe)
-ROOMMATE!!! (and their dainties)
-Twizzlers Bob's runs, youtube videos and other distractions during community study sessions
-deep theological and faith discussions (none of which i can enter but def enjoy listening to)
but probably the most rewarding part about community so far is learning from the upper class men and having them around as role models. Just having someone to talk to or hang out with (all the guys, not just the uppers) on any given evening has been a blast as well. I enjoy coming back here every night to see what's going on, what people are doing and being given an opportunity to simply be.
SY
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Shawn: Environmentally Conscious
So when i joined this group it was mostly because i needed a room and a place to live. Dont get me wrong i was excited about who i was getting to live with and was tremendously excited about living in community, but i was like, WHATEVER, about the "being environmentally conscious" clause in our proposal. I figured it wouldnt be a big deal and i could just let that slide.
However the longer i've lived here and have been exposed to conversation of the group members, the more i find myself critiquing the way people around me in any circumstance waste resources. I used to be opposed to trayless tuesdays because they were an inconvenience when i wanted to get a bunch of food and not have to make several trips. I dont know if not grabbing trays actually saves water (there are many rumors circulating), but I have flipped my stance and have made it a habit to not grab a tray when going through the line, tuesday or not. I now engage the people who still complain about not having trays and try to get them to view trays, or on a larger scale, waste, the way i do. If nothing else, not having a tray lowers the amount of food we grab, which will in turn eliminate waste.
Food, electricity, and energy in any form are a gift most people around the world arent privileged to have. There are even some in our own country who forgo these to try to survive. If we all cut back will this lower the overall cost for everyone?
I know this is true on our campus. If, campuswide, we were concerned about not wasting food, shutting off lights, taking short showers and unplugging unused appliances and electronics, we could significantly lower the room and board aspect of our bill to the college.
Our group will probably be most of the people who read this blog but for those outside our group who would love to do something similar to what we are doing i encourage you to ask us questions and talk to professors as well. There are many faculty interested in what we are doing and when meeting with our mentors we explored the possibility of creating a "simple living themed housing" invoice, under the impression that the themed housing group would cut back on expenses, if this group would continue its existance. This is a possibility i am willing to explore with peers who also see the need for environmental accountability.
Why is it that i always write books? Congrats if you made it to the end...see me for your prize.
SY
However the longer i've lived here and have been exposed to conversation of the group members, the more i find myself critiquing the way people around me in any circumstance waste resources. I used to be opposed to trayless tuesdays because they were an inconvenience when i wanted to get a bunch of food and not have to make several trips. I dont know if not grabbing trays actually saves water (there are many rumors circulating), but I have flipped my stance and have made it a habit to not grab a tray when going through the line, tuesday or not. I now engage the people who still complain about not having trays and try to get them to view trays, or on a larger scale, waste, the way i do. If nothing else, not having a tray lowers the amount of food we grab, which will in turn eliminate waste.
Food, electricity, and energy in any form are a gift most people around the world arent privileged to have. There are even some in our own country who forgo these to try to survive. If we all cut back will this lower the overall cost for everyone?
I know this is true on our campus. If, campuswide, we were concerned about not wasting food, shutting off lights, taking short showers and unplugging unused appliances and electronics, we could significantly lower the room and board aspect of our bill to the college.
Our group will probably be most of the people who read this blog but for those outside our group who would love to do something similar to what we are doing i encourage you to ask us questions and talk to professors as well. There are many faculty interested in what we are doing and when meeting with our mentors we explored the possibility of creating a "simple living themed housing" invoice, under the impression that the themed housing group would cut back on expenses, if this group would continue its existance. This is a possibility i am willing to explore with peers who also see the need for environmental accountability.
Why is it that i always write books? Congrats if you made it to the end...see me for your prize.
SY
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Shawn: First Post
Well i guess i'll get things started...thanks to all of you who read this and keep up and are interested in what we are doing. I believe i can speak for the group when i say we appreciate the support of others. As many of you know we are an intentional community with an emphasis on living simply in our community.
My main fears are the same with every new situation I go into. What is it going to be like and how is it going to change what i already have? I am comfortable right now. Comfortable with my schedule and the activities I'm involved in. So I really dont know exactly how this whole themed housing is going to work out but i'm excited to try bc i love the people in the group i know, and have heard amazing things about the ones i dont. I feel like we will have rough times but everyone in the group will def be respectful of one another and just be a lot of fun.
I am mostly worried about my ties to everything in life right now including the community. I feel stretched in the activities i'm in, but they are all so important to me that i dont want to drop any. I have already been forced to make the disicion to drop soccer and sunday night worship. It was hard decision in intself and next fall will be the first fall i havent played soccer since 3rd grade. I know it's gonna be tough, but i did it for Young Life. Young Life (YL from here on out) is a parachurch ministry to high school students around the country and in 19 other countries as well. YL takes college students and a few adults and goes to where the kids are to earn their trust and "earn the right to be heard" and preach the gospel. i did YL my senior yr of hs and had a blast and grew by leaps and bounds and finally found out what it meant to "GO to all nations baptising them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit". GO is a command we must all follow, the where is decided by God and if we are in communion with Him, He will point out where he wants us. he did this for me before i even went to college but i tried to get around it by coming to bluffton. Dont get me wrong, i loved bluffton, but it was comfortable. it was me not selling out to God. Well he had his perfect plan in mind and started YL in Lima in Dec and pushed it in my face to where it was undeniable that that was where i was supposed to be. I love the kids and love the other leaders and love the time we spend diving into scripture and each other's live, and getting to know new people and growing in Christ and fellowshiping, but it has put a strain on my relationships here. I've been focusing a lot of my attention and energy on laurin (the gf of 47 days) :D but i'm not finding the time i feel i need to keep up my friendships with the guys and w/ the girls from ropp that i used to hang out with a ton....hopefully vball and bible studies along with more frequent weekend hanging out and dumbness can over come that, but then i wont be meeting new Lima Sr students (ther first hs YL has started) as often as i should be and gaining relationships there.
What makes me most frustrated is being on the opposite side of campus. I will have to make a huge effort to see all of my friends from this yr, next yr. I know there is no way they will want to come and hang out on the other side of campus, so it will have to be my initiative to keep up those relationships amid all the other stuff i have going on and remain an active member of our intentional community.
I'm excited for the opportunity that was given me and want to thank whoever's idea it was to invite me into the group. i honestly had no plans for rooming next yr and God dropped this in my lap which was really cool, but at the same time, i'm nervous about the outcome.
thanks also to all the members for the part they have played and helping me to feel accepted. i know i have had virtually nothing to add, and didnt come up with any cool ideas and may not be the funnest kid to hang around, but i feel accepted all the same and with everything going on, that one thought gives me peace. I know next yr will be just fine.
Shawn Yoder
SY
My main fears are the same with every new situation I go into. What is it going to be like and how is it going to change what i already have? I am comfortable right now. Comfortable with my schedule and the activities I'm involved in. So I really dont know exactly how this whole themed housing is going to work out but i'm excited to try bc i love the people in the group i know, and have heard amazing things about the ones i dont. I feel like we will have rough times but everyone in the group will def be respectful of one another and just be a lot of fun.
I am mostly worried about my ties to everything in life right now including the community. I feel stretched in the activities i'm in, but they are all so important to me that i dont want to drop any. I have already been forced to make the disicion to drop soccer and sunday night worship. It was hard decision in intself and next fall will be the first fall i havent played soccer since 3rd grade. I know it's gonna be tough, but i did it for Young Life. Young Life (YL from here on out) is a parachurch ministry to high school students around the country and in 19 other countries as well. YL takes college students and a few adults and goes to where the kids are to earn their trust and "earn the right to be heard" and preach the gospel. i did YL my senior yr of hs and had a blast and grew by leaps and bounds and finally found out what it meant to "GO to all nations baptising them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit". GO is a command we must all follow, the where is decided by God and if we are in communion with Him, He will point out where he wants us. he did this for me before i even went to college but i tried to get around it by coming to bluffton. Dont get me wrong, i loved bluffton, but it was comfortable. it was me not selling out to God. Well he had his perfect plan in mind and started YL in Lima in Dec and pushed it in my face to where it was undeniable that that was where i was supposed to be. I love the kids and love the other leaders and love the time we spend diving into scripture and each other's live, and getting to know new people and growing in Christ and fellowshiping, but it has put a strain on my relationships here. I've been focusing a lot of my attention and energy on laurin (the gf of 47 days) :D but i'm not finding the time i feel i need to keep up my friendships with the guys and w/ the girls from ropp that i used to hang out with a ton....hopefully vball and bible studies along with more frequent weekend hanging out and dumbness can over come that, but then i wont be meeting new Lima Sr students (ther first hs YL has started) as often as i should be and gaining relationships there.
What makes me most frustrated is being on the opposite side of campus. I will have to make a huge effort to see all of my friends from this yr, next yr. I know there is no way they will want to come and hang out on the other side of campus, so it will have to be my initiative to keep up those relationships amid all the other stuff i have going on and remain an active member of our intentional community.
I'm excited for the opportunity that was given me and want to thank whoever's idea it was to invite me into the group. i honestly had no plans for rooming next yr and God dropped this in my lap which was really cool, but at the same time, i'm nervous about the outcome.
thanks also to all the members for the part they have played and helping me to feel accepted. i know i have had virtually nothing to add, and didnt come up with any cool ideas and may not be the funnest kid to hang around, but i feel accepted all the same and with everything going on, that one thought gives me peace. I know next yr will be just fine.
Shawn Yoder
SY
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)